I'm Chasing, Crying, Crushing All Because of You
by AysheSmith
Summary: I'm Chasing after you because I love you.I'm Crying over you because you're breaking me apart.I'm Crushing for you because you're hurt weighs my heart down.I am all of these things All Because of You,and yet I'm still irrevicably in love with you...
1. Preface: Hating You For Wanting Him

I'm Chasing, Crying, Crushing; All Because of You.

Preface:

Hating You For Wanting Him

Edward's POV.

I watch as she moves from side to side, swaying her hair around her body. She gorges, oh yes, very beautiful. The only thing about her, she is the most unavailable girl in school. Why you may ask? Because she is dating Jacob Black, a college football star that is dearly loved in the small town of Forks. My name is Edward Mason and I am a senior at Forks Academy, the private school in Forks, Washington. You can say that I am the playboy of the school. My girlfriend is Rosalie Hale, the hottest girl in the school and the bitchiest. I date her for the school's entertainment I guess you could say. The only girl I really want is the one dancing with Alice Brandon in the school's gym at our annual snow ball. The reason she is dancing alone? Her 'boyfriend' couldn't make it, to be with her so she has to go alone. It doesn't really matter; she knows every guy in the school, including me, wants her. I sigh and turn towards Rose, hoping she will wants to go soon, so I don't have to stare at her any longer.

"Rose you ready to go?" I ask, praying she will say yes.

"Of course not sweetie. We haven't even danced yet." She answers, smiling up at me. I mean the girl really is beautiful, but Bella is more. It's because she is beautiful inside and outside, instead of just a cod hearted bitch like Rose.

I sigh and stand up, offering her my hand so we can dance, and then get the hell out of here. Of course, she leads us over to where SHE is dancing. I look over her slim body in a dark blue dress that hugs her curves. Her long natural wavy hair sways in rhythm to her hips as she moves. The only thing is, at the Academy, you have to share a room and mine was the only one left open, so I have to share a room with her. I have to watch as she skips around the room humming and smiling. Occasionally she will smile at me then go get ready for school. Her beautiful brown eyes will look at me and I feel like she is looking into my soul. Am I in love with her? Probably. But for some reason I love Rose too.

I remember the one night that I actually got to see her naked. She was drunk and stumbling around the room. I came at the exact moment when she was changing out of her clothes. I cleared my throat to let her know I was there, but she just turned around and giggled. I took a step toward her, knowing I shouldn't but couldn't help myself. She didn't seem to mind when I was standing right in front of her, hold her naked flesh in my hands; the smooth sides of her stomach. I brought my hand up towards her naked breast, as her eyes widen I took that opportunity to kiss her, finally kiss her. It was like fireworks in the winter; unbelievable, perfect, and a little wet. I kissed her like I have never kissed a girl before and I pulled her thigh up to my waist so she would wrap her legs around me. She slowly understood, from the alcohol in her system and wrapped them around me as I walked her over to my bed in the corner. I slowly let my hands roam her body, causing her wet juices to come.

"Edward? Edward! Hello?" Rose was yelling at me, trying to regain my attention away from _her._ I blink once and realize that I was staring at _her_. I turn my head back towards Rosalie and smile, showing her that she has my attention. That night was the best night of my life, until Rosalie walked in of the morning after and she freaked out of course. _She _just looked confused and walked to her room, probably wondering why she was in the bed naked with me. _She_ never did say anything about it, or tried to do it again. So I of course just let it go, not really wanting to upset _her_ or anything.

"Edward! You're still not listening to me!" Rosalie all but shrieks at me. Good god, if the guys knew how much trouble it is to keep her satisfied, they would not even bother looking at her; which really they don't because she will kick their ass. It kind of makes me feel like an ass, but the one time I tried to stand up for her she punched _me_, then took care of the other guys. So I have learned that she likes to handle things herself.

"Yea, sorry. I got distracted. So what do you want to do?" I ask her, just waiting until I can go back to my dorm, also hoping that she wouldn't want to have sex tonight. I mean the girl can go all night long, a guy's dream. But I am so tired of it, I just want to dump her and date _her_.

"Come on, Edward. Let's go mingle. I haven't talked to Bella or Alice yet, so we have to talk to them. And where is Jasper? He was suppose to be here already." Rose rambles on, but I stop listening and get up to take her hand, leading her towards the crowd where _she _is. I stop in front of _her_, smile and do my normal thing, trying to be polite. Rosalie converses with Alice, truly ignoring Bella. I guess she is still mad about the whole cheating thing. I look over to Bella, smiling and loving how she smiles shyly back at me.

"Hey Bella." I say, wanting to make her more comfortable. She is _her_. I look over her makeup covered face, smiling slightly in spite of myself. There is just something about her small heart-shaped face that makes my lips break out into a crooked smile. I look at her, seeing her cheeks heat up in a beautiful pink blush as she says hey back to me quietly.

"So what's up?" I ask her, shoving my hands into my pockets roughly, trying to be as casual as usual. She smiles at me again, trying to act the same way. It is a bit awkward since we had sex.

"Just trying to get out of here. I have to meet Jake later." She smiles at me apologeticly, knowing I'm totally jealous of her and _Jake_. "Er, sorry; didn't mean to sound like I was trying to get away from you or anything." She smiles again, blushing her beautiful red. I search her face for any trace that would explain why should would tell me sorry. I mean, I am the one flawnting my girlfriend in her face.

"Ah, no worries. Rose and I are going back to the room, so knock if you come back." I know it's low to imply that Rose and I are going to have sex, but I can't help it; she makes me so jealous when she talks about Jacob. Her smile falters a little, but she holds it up.

"Oh, well I am going to be spending the night at Jake's, so that isn't a problem." Yea, like that innocent little tone and those big brown eyes can fool me. I know what she is trying to do. She is trying to make me even more jealous because she didn't like it that I pointed out that me and Rose are going to fuck. She bats those long brown lashes at me, smiling like she knows exactly how I want to rip stupid little _Jacobs_ head off and feed it to my dog. That may be a little bit much, but I HATE the guy!

"Yea, whatever; look I'll see you later. Come on Rose, I want to go." I tell her sternly, just wanting to get away from Bella and her talking about _Jacob_. Rose turns around clearly surprised, but the look I give her is enough to tell her to just come along with me. Bella looks upset that she pissed me off, but I don't really care.

I just really can't take this cat and mouse game anymore. I can't take the way I see her with Jacob, the way she smiles at him, the way he holds her. I just can't take it anymore! I mean what does that girl want from me? I would date her is she would just give me the damn chance. I'd jump off a damn building for that girl! I stop angrily away, Rose following me, towards the exit. I don't stop until I am at my dorm, with the key in the hole. I snap the lock after Rose comes in and throw my shirt in the floor. Coming up behind Rosalie, I grab her firm breats in my hands while she hums in pleasure.

"Come on baby, take off that shirt." I whisper huskily in her ear. She rolls her shoulder, her strap falling slightly down her shoulder. "Could I have some help?" She whispers back.

As always the last thought out of my mind was the sentence I said in my head every day, after thinking of Bella then banishing her from my mind.

**I'm** **Chasing** after you, **Crying** over you, **Crushing** for you; **All Because Of You.**


	2. Chapter 1: Love Is Just An Infliction

A/N-

I just reread this and realized some mistakes so of course fixed them for you =] btw this chapter is going to be deep, i mean really deep. i was like omfg when i read it

the song that helped me write this story and also i used some of her words so thanks [ flyleaf-sorrow]

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I'm Chasing, Crying, Crushing; All Because Of You

Chapter One:

Love Is Just An Infliction

BPOV

Have you just ever felt like you are with the wrong person? That maybe you just might love another person? Well I do. I feel like I really want to be with someone else, yet I can't help feeling like I still want to be with Jacob too. Do I love two people? I think I do, but which one is the person I am supposed to be with? That is the question I have been asking myself for the last three months since I have moved in with Edward. That night that I drank some beers, found Jacob with another girl, yes people he cheated on me, I was so distraught that when I saw Edward there alone in our room I just took my chance with him. To say the least, it WAS the best night of my life. I remember all too well how his hands caressed my thighs, how he touched me with such a softness not a lot of people get to see in him. And now the hands that are holding me belong to the wrong person. Jake's head is resting on my shoulder as we watch a movie over in his dorm, that smells suspiously of a girl. I guess that's the usual for guys to do when they are in college. They cheat on their girlfriend that is only a junior in Highschool. He tells me he loves me, adores me, couldn't live without me, and yet i feel that none of it is the truth. Maybe in some deep down part of his heart, it may be true, but I can't wait around forever. But that is what I am doing, is waiting. I ask myself why I am waiting around for Edward to start something, I mean he is never going too. If anyone has to step up, it's me because he won't try and break me up with Jake if he thinks I want to be with him. The only problem? Rosalie Hale. I mean the girl already hates me, why do I need to get even more on her bad side by stealing her boyfriend.

I can't really say I would steal her boyfriend, I mean sometimes love isn't enough. I think of the swirling sorrow that floods through me as I think about how loving Edward might just not be enough for him. I listen to the quietness of Jacob's and mine's breathing, our chest falling ever so slightly with each breath we take into our lungs. The reflections of my memories flood through me as though I am watching them instead of this horrid movie. The first time Jacob kissed me, the time I knew that I was actuallly in love with Edward, when I moved here, and then most important memory of all; when mother died. That sudden memory briefs me with pain and I clutch my hand tightly, willing it to dissaparate. I hate this paralizing silence, as it makes the pain much more noticeable.

I think about all the reasons I want to be with Jake, but I can only think of one. Hurting Jacob. I am not in love with Jacob anymore, i know this and he knows this, but I can't just hurt him because, even though he cheats on me and everything, I know he still cares about me. But caring and love are two very different things. i guess sometimes life is just a sorrow journey. Maybe I will never be with Edward, maybe it's not truely meant to be. I decide that I want to be with Edward, and I am not letting some girl get in the way of me being happy. I unwrap Jacob's long strong arms, smile a sad smile, and get up. "Bye Jacob." I whisper softly and lean down for one last kiss, telling him the lie that's half way mine..."I forever will love you."

I walk out the door, run to my car, and start the engine with an excitement that makes me bounce in my upholistered leathered grey seat. I drive until I reach the school's parking lot and run towards my dorm. I stop, catchig my heaving breath and listen for sounds on the other side of the door. I shake head, forgetting that it's soundproof. Opening the door with my key, I find the last sight I thought I would, the sight that breaks my already fragile heart. He knows each tear before it falls down my soft white cheeks. I spin around leaving a worried looking Edward and a smirking Rosalie.

I slam the door and turn down the empty white halls, going out to my car, the only place that doesn't have a naked Rosalie and Edward. I hear the pounding of feet running after me, but I do not slow down, instead I run harder. I slam my car door and lock it, hoping against hope that he will not try to get in. "Bella! Please open the door!" He begs, but I ignore him, trying to keep the flooding tears off my already wet cheeks. I shake my head, not really knowing why this is hurting me. That is his girlfriend, he didn't know that I was going over there to ask him to be with me. I crank my car, knowing he will try to stop me, but not letting that thought waver my decision. Shooting him one last glance, I drive off into the night, not really knowing where I am going, but knowing only one thing; I have to get out of here, of this place called Forks Washington. Rushing past the greenery of the trees, the alien planet, feeling anxiety as I push the gas futher on, willing to just get to the beyounds of this place so the all consuming pain that will consume my inner being can break free of the cage it is now locked in. Hoping against all hope that the agony in my heart will not make itself none until I can deal with the pain in an efficient way. I can not stop the car, or stop to let my brain think over the actions of the night or the agony and pain will consume my hole being into nothing, into an outer shell of who I am now. So I drive on into the feverish night of the last day of summer, the hot moist air being intruded by cool rain as clouds cover the silver moon out of view. I notice at once headlights gaining on my small '69 Vette as they blink their yellow light at me once, trying to gain my attention and make me pull over. I drive my little car faster, trying to put an 'inconveniete' space between us. The world slides into an unfocused string of headlights as I stare at my rearview continuiously willing the culprite to stop driving any moment. The headlights flash again and I focus my eyes onto the road infront of me, speeding ahead as they close the distance between us. Instead of gainging the surely wanted ground, I unwantedly get gained on by the impersonator of an asshole, as he turns his car into the other lane and come up beside me, yelling and pointing at my rolled up window and his unrolled one. I stare straight ahead, not wanting to glance in through his non-existient window that has been rolled down by him. Instead of falling behind, he keeps an even pace with me, still yelling for me to roll my window down and answer his surely pathetic excuses of crushing my already bleeding organ of a heart. So instead of trying to outrun him, I slow down and pull over to a short stop. Sure as when I stop, his car automatically slows its fast pace down to pull over with me. I dully notice this as I feel the first of agony sweep through me and make my already profousely wet cheeks increase with hurried flowing tears, the pain starting with my bleeding, broken, heart rip open another painfully tear into the already destroyed organ. The agony takes it's slow pace throw my acheing body, stopping at all the worse spots to increase the awful pain into my bones, making them shudder and convused into tremmors. All the while the rain is pounding on my clear windshield, wet feet pound outside somewhere near by, getting louder as they run towards the white car and the awful pained girl inside.

I hear as the car door open and the car shifts slightly as he ducks inside the hot moist air. Except through my pain consumed haze I can not register his face, I can't seem to move at all. My arms already hugging my torso as the agony consumes my body, going from every inch of my body until I feel nothing but the agony within. The tears flowly flawless down my wet face, as I grip on to myself, trying to keep coniousness. Edward undoubtedly thinks my awful tremors are from the cold, and as he places his warm, but slightly wet jacket on my shivering shoulders, they convulse into a tremor so hard it shakes my entire being. He reaches his hand out wanting to comfort me and I ,instead of recoile, don't move at all as his hand makes contact with my forearm and he rubs it soothingly, but to no avail what so ever. Instead I tremor more voilently, shaking from the agony as it consumes my inner being, making the worst of pains evident in my body. Edward, concern masking his beautiful face, looks down at me with utter remorse as I convulse into pain.

"Bella I'm so sorry." His whisper carries to me and I hear deperateness and pain mixed with concern in his magical voice, but I do not respond, instead I shake more violently from the sound of his voice and convulse into what I thought was the worse tremor yet; but soon as I think I can't take the agony within any more, it slowly recoiles, slinking back until it returns to it's home, at my black heart. The tremors slowly die, as the agony disaperates and I am let with nothing; emptiness. The feeling of nothing, just an outer shell of me from before, total emptiness invades it's way into my heart and stays. As my eyes glaze over with the feeling within my soul, my spirit, I look toward Edward and see the pain contort awfully on his beautiful face as he gazes at my empty eyes, willing me to be any emotion, any at all. I should feel pain or at least ashamed, as I bring the pain that was evident in me before to Edward, but I do not. I stare back at him as he pleads with his eyes at me, wanting to see anything flicker in my deptless eyes. Trying to gather up all the emotion I have, which in the end isn't any at all, I speak to him.

"Get out." My voice rings with the hollowness that made it's place unwelcome in my heart. I look into his green shinning eyes, which in result therefore to my lack of emotion, water with pain that he feels. Maybe sending him the pain that not only moments ago felt, was insecure of me, but I have no control over the decision in which my heart makes. I look at him through hollow eyes, just wanting him out of this car, out of this confined space, so maybe emotion will make it's way back to me. I urge myself to feel worthless for giving Edward the pain that was mine, but I can't just, can't feel at all, nothing at all.

He nodds abruptly, his eyes hardening, his pain contorted face going into an emotionless mask, as he throws his car door open and walks away from me, leaving his slightly weat jacket on my numb shoulders. I watch completely _wanting_ so badly to feel like I just made the biggest mistake I have ever made, but I just watch him get into his car and drive away with no feeling in my heart at all. I sit there numbly for over an hour thinking through the events of this forsaken night until I realize how I just want to to go somewhere and rest. So cranking the car, I head off to the only place I know that will bring me comfort and pain at the same time, just any emotion at all; my brother's grave, James.

My last thought as I drive away into the black is..

**I'm** **Chasing** after you, **Crying **over you, **Crushing** for you; **All Because Of You.**

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so was that any good? i thought it was okay this is just like a peep at what bella and edward are like i will make the other chapters much much longer =]

please review so i know i did good


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